outspokenfemme

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About

Why is it, I wonder, that I go through periods where I don’t remember who I am? I should clarify that statement. I don’t forget who I am in a, “What’s my name, Where do I live, What day is it,” kind of way. I forget what my soul is made of. When I am in the forgetting state, I’ll see glimpses of my soul and I will be drawn to it momentarily. I will remember for a minute. It’s a pleasurable state. And then, “whoosh,” I go back to forgetting again.

So this is a little note to myself, to help me remember. Because I want my life to be made up of my soul’s contents.

I am the desert at twilight where the call of the Thrasher echoes in the stillness

I am thick tubes of oil paint, the scent of turpentine and brushes smooth and supple against my fingertips

I am the rich pink and orange hue that kisses the earth just before sunset

I am the hint of color held within a drop of water seconds before it drips from the tip of a sable brush

I am the kindness of my father blended with the passion and artistry of my mother

I am a mother born breech and birthed by my precious son

I am compassion, unchecked

I am hot tea with honey

I am an acoustic guitar, and the Indigo Girls love child

I am a search engine

I am femme, feline, and porcupine

I am your favorite crazy ex-girlfriend

I am wanderlust, wide open spaces, Doe Bay, and The Castro

I am New York City

I am edges pushed, tenacity squared and perseverance cubed

I am words poured out, unrestrained

I am me and

I am OK*

*Thank you, Virginia Satir, for helping to inspire this post. For a related post, see “Detritus” posted in November of 2011
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4 thoughts on “About

  1. honestly, I don’t think you need to figure out anything. You just are! People start looking for answers like: what’s the purpose of my life, where do I fit, who am I, do I matter and etc., and those questions come up just because we believe that we have to belong somewhere, that we have to be a part of something, that we have to have this feeling of knowing, to exist. But you are! You just are. You are perfectly imperfect. There is no place in this world that you belong to and that is because you live your life, you have ups and downs, you feel, you cry, you hate, you love and you change. Just be who you are right here right now because tomorrow you will be something else, somebody else and somewhere else…

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